The DAY DONNIE WAS ON FIRE by Frank C.
So, we were just sitting around in Donnie’s brother’s car, doin’ a little weed and I looked up and
happened to notice that Donnie was on fire. I mean there were flames and everything, man.
No smoke though. Just flames and everything. So, I nudged Vince and he looked where I was
lookin’, which was at Donnie.
“Whoa!” That’s what Vince said. We laughed a bit about that.
Then I said to Donnie, “Hey, Donnie! Hey, Donnie! You’re on fire, man!”
And Donnie looked at me and he said, “Man, it’s hot in here.”
And I said, “That’s because you’re on fire, man.”
He said, "Man, I FEEL like I’m on fire.”
“THAT's ‘cause you are!” I think me and Vince both said that at the same time—which was kinda
funny you know—so we laughed.
“No, really, man,” I choked out, “Donnie, man, you’re like really really actually kinda, you know, on
fire. There’s flames and stuff. You’re on fire, man.”
“Is there any smoke?” Donnie asked.
Vince said, “We still got a couple guppies, but man, I think we better do something about this fire
thing before we burn another one.”
“No, man, come on Vince, I think he means, you know, fire-kinda smoke, not smoke like weed.”
“Oh,” said Vince.
I said, “Donnie, you seem to be taking this kinda lightly; you OK with this?”
Donnie said, “Yeah, you know, stuff happens. It’s just HOT is all, man.”
“Yeah I bet.”
Donnie said, “I feel all kinda confined.”
I said, “Yeah, well, Donnie, I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what you mean by that.”
He said “I don’t mind being on fire, but it’s just kinda hot, you know. And kinda confining too.”
Vince said, “Like, if I was on fire, you know what I would do…?”
And I snapped, “You ain’t on fire, Vince! Donnie’s on fire and I think maybe we should concentrate
on that right now, OK?! "
Vince looked kinda taken-aback by me climbin' all over him like that, so I said, "I mean, I just think
maybe we should do something about Donnie first.”
Vince said somewhat defensively, “Yeah but why can't I say what I was gonna say?”
I was still feeling apologetic for snapping at Vince. “Alright, but then we gotta attend to Donnie.”
“OK” he said.
I looked to Donnie—after all he was the one that was on fire. "You OK with this?"
Donnie shrugged and said, “OK with me, man.”
“OK then. What were you gonna say?” I asked Vince.
“When?”
“Just now, man.”
He thought about that for a minute.
“Oh yeah. See. So, uh…IF I was on fire, you know what I would do?”
Donnie interrupted Vince somewhat irritably, “Hey, man, on second thought, I think we better do
something about me first. It is gettin' REALLY hot and I’m feeling a bit uncomfortable.”
“Donnie, there’s no need to get all rude and snappish, man. Vince was saying something.”
“What was I saying?” asked Vince.
“If you was on fire you would…”
“I forgot.”
“OK. That’s OK. If you remember later, just let us know.”
“It was really clever though.”
“I am sure it was. Now. Donnie," I said, turning to Donnie, "...you were about to say..?”
“Yeah. Man, like, I’m feeling really kinda uncomfortable with these flames and all and I think maybe
we should do something…you know, about the flames and all…not the discomfort. I could take the
discomfort man. The discomfort is nothing to me, but, like, this is my brother’s car, man, and if, we
burn it up, my brother is gonna be like TRULY angry with us.”
Vince jumped in, “US!? Us, man? That’s funny, Donnie. As I recall we were all sitting on the porch
and I said ‘Hey, you know what we should do?’ and you guys BOTH said, ‘What?’ and I said, ‘We
should go get some more weed.’ And Frank said, ‘Yeah, Vince that’s a swell idea but, how are we
gonna get down to Third street? I ain’t walkin’ in this weather.’ And Donnie—Mr. Don’t Mind the
Discomfort—said,’Hey, we can take my brother’s car!”
Nobody said nothing about that.
I mean, like for quite a while, nobody said anything at all.
“So, what’ll we do about Donnie?” I think I finally said.
And Vince said, “Hey, wait, like, maybe there’s a message in this. I mean like, listen, maybe this—
Donnie being on fire and all—means something.”
I said, “Yeah. It MEANS that Donnie’s on fire and if we don’t put him out soon, his brother’s car may
catch and we’ll find ourselves in a real mess.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” said Vince. “So, you know, but, like, WHAT are we gonna do?”
It was at that point where some guy knocked on the window of Donnie’s brother’s car.
‘Hey!” I said, “Donnie! Somebody’s like knockin’ on your window, man.”
Donnie was kinda involved with other thoughts at the moment. So I had to repeat myself.
‘Hey!” I shouted, “Donnie. Somebody’s like knockin’ on your window!”
“Oh, yeah thanks,” said Donnie and he rolled down his window and the guy looked in and said
“Jesus Christ, you’re on fire!”
So, like we all cracked up. I mean, man, FIRST, it was kinda obvious, you know. It wasn’t like we
were unaware of it. And second, we were already trying to figure out what to do about it.
So, I think the rest was covered pretty good in that newspaper article, which I have attached also.
That’s my story.
I mean that’s my essay.
So, like, do I get my GED now?
HAPPY NEW YEAR, Colorado!
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